"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are".
-Marilyn Monroe
I had my 11 month old son almost a full year ago-- "not that you can tell by looking at me", I think. I am still considerably far from my pre-birth weight. This is my second child, so I knew what to expect and made considerable efforts to keep my weight down, after struggling 2 years after my first was born, to lose my baby weight. No matter how hard I try though, I just cannot seem to gain those respectable 15 - 30 pounds. No! I gain that by the fourth month! I gained almost 100 lbs when pregnant with my first and close to 60 lbs with my second.
It has taken close to a year, to lose a little over 20 lbs and I still have 30 to go. I try not to be too hard on myself but it's hard sometimes! I want to look like I used to (even with the C-section scar from my first). I want to wear my old clothes instead of the hippie smock type dresses I wear now. I want to look like the women I see on TV, even if I never actually did.
In my mind, there is something indelibly wrong about my new- after- 2nd -child body. Sometimes it borders on self-loathing (something I'm not proud of but find difficult to control) but today something pretty cool happened.
It has taken close to a year, to lose a little over 20 lbs and I still have 30 to go. I try not to be too hard on myself but it's hard sometimes! I want to look like I used to (even with the C-section scar from my first). I want to wear my old clothes instead of the hippie smock type dresses I wear now. I want to look like the women I see on TV, even if I never actually did.
In my mind, there is something indelibly wrong about my new- after- 2nd -child body. Sometimes it borders on self-loathing (something I'm not proud of but find difficult to control) but today something pretty cool happened.
As I carried my youngest to the back of the house to check on the batch of soap I was cooking, I walked through our little jungle of unkempt plants. I twisted and turned with him on my hip. His fat little legs gripped my hips and I realized something--his body fit the softness of my hips, the dip of my curvier waist and the bulge of my bust line, fit his little arms. My body was able to carry him perfectly, with a place for him to fit and hang on, as I dodged the overgrown ferns. "Surely", I thought, "this was a benefit for our hairier ape like cousins".
All of a sudden, I felt a little better about myself, in that moment. I thought, "My body is perfectly made for him". And it's true. While I may be having trouble succumbing to the anxiety of the pressures to lose weight, I have to remember that my body is still in recovery. I don't have the fancy chefs, personal trainers or deadline of a new movie like the mommy starlets of Hollywood. What I have is the desire to eat well, a Kinect for Zumba instead of a personal gym, and TWO really cool kids! I have to remind myself-- "I gave birth, I made a human" and slowly the smile creeps back on my face and reminds me that everything happens in due time and that for right now--my body is perfect, made for my baby, just how it is!
All of a sudden, I felt a little better about myself, in that moment. I thought, "My body is perfectly made for him". And it's true. While I may be having trouble succumbing to the anxiety of the pressures to lose weight, I have to remember that my body is still in recovery. I don't have the fancy chefs, personal trainers or deadline of a new movie like the mommy starlets of Hollywood. What I have is the desire to eat well, a Kinect for Zumba instead of a personal gym, and TWO really cool kids! I have to remind myself-- "I gave birth, I made a human" and slowly the smile creeps back on my face and reminds me that everything happens in due time and that for right now--my body is perfect, made for my baby, just how it is!
